


Crush(ed)

by sparklyfaerie



Series: Kyoru Week 2020 [3]
Category: Fruits Basket, Fruits Basket (Anime 2019), Fruits Basket - Takaya Natsuki (Manga)
Genre: F/M, Kyoru Week 2020, Manga Spoilers, day three: tease
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:00:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26926987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparklyfaerie/pseuds/sparklyfaerie
Summary: Kyo is getting really fucking sick of the universe teasing him with things he’ll never have.
Relationships: Honda Tohru/Sohma Kyou
Series: Kyoru Week 2020 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1975333
Comments: 2
Kudos: 41





	Crush(ed)

**Author's Note:**

> Oops let's not talk about how many days late this is.

Kyo is getting really fucking sick of the universe teasing him with things he’ll never have.

His freedom will only last another twelve months, but even so, he can’t help but love Tohru with every fibre of his being. It frustrates him as much as it brings him peace when he’s in her company, because even though he’s already decided that he’ll simply be content with spending what little remains of his freedom with her, _it’s not enough_.

He’s selfish. He wants her. In _every_ way. He can’t help but notice how pretty she is in the moonlight when they sit on the roof together, how slender her legs are when she’s bending over in the kitchen to root through the cupboards for something, how soft her hand is when he holds it. He can’t help but dream of her, and of a future he’ll never have. He can’t help but wonder how soft her lips are, or what she’d sound like in bed as he touches her, and—

He arrests that train of thought. He tries _very hard_ not to go there.

But his body is treacherous, and his mind rebellious. No matter how many times he tells himself _it’ll never happen_ , he still burns for her.

It gets worse when he begins to suspect that she has feelings for him, too, because that’s its own special brand of hell. He’d as good as killed her mother, for fuck’s sake. And even if he hadn’t, he’s going to be forced to leave her soon, anyway. He doesn’t _deserve_ her looking at him like that.

Surely, if Honda Tohru is capable of hatred, Kyo has earned that from her. And she still doesn’t know.

He knows she’s come to lean on him in the past few months, and that just brings another fresh wave of guilt when he thinks about it. How will she react when he’s gone? Coward that he is, he doesn’t want to think about it.

He had hope, a little while ago. Akito’s bet had offered him a future. Inclusion with his peers. Freedom from his cage. He doesn’t want that anymore. All he wants is her.

He’ll always be the stupid cat who wants the stupid, impossible thing.

“Kyo-kun?”

He blinks out of his dreary thoughts and pastes on a half-hearted smile when Tohru climbs over the lip of the roof, balancing carefully to come sit next to him.

“What’s up?”

“Oh, nothing!” She beams at him. “It’s just so hot inside that I couldn’t sleep.”

He hums in agreement, turning his face back out to look over the city lights. There’s a faint breeze blowing, but it’s angled wrong to catch their windows and cool the house. How the damn rat can sleep in this soupy air is beyond anyone’s guess.

She sighs as she stretches her legs out in front of her along the roof singles, and he pointedly looks away from her. She’s wearing pyjama shorts in deference to the season, and her legs are long and pale in the moonlight. He swallows.

“Are you okay?” She asks, apropos of nothing. When he turns to look at her face, she’s watching him with wide eyes. His face must show some kind of surprise, because she adds, “You’ve been very quiet today.”

“I’m fine.” He shrugs.

And then he sees it.

Her eyes flicker down to his mouth, and a faint pink steals across her cheeks. If not for the cat’s vision, he would have missed it. His breath catches in his throat and he turns away. He can feel the back of his neck heating up.

He could have leaned over and kissed her in that moment. He’s almost positive she’d let him. Welcome it, even.

But she doesn’t know what he knows. What he’s done to her, before they even met. What he’s going to be forced to do in the future.

It’s not fucking _fair_.

* * *

It’s not an earth-shattering revelation when she confesses her feelings to him. All he can think of is that the world is fucking with him yet again.

So he rebuffs her. Even after she asserts that she loves him in defiance of her own mother.

He can’t take it.

He walks away.

And then she falls from the cliff. Akito’s screaming brings him running home.

His heart and mind are churning, a cocktail of guilt and self-loathing and fear eating away at him as he kneels at her side. He’d thought he’d been protecting her by pushing her away; that she would eventually see that she should hate him and move on with her life.

But this is his fault. Like his mother. Like Kyoko. He strongly suspects Akito had something to do with this; if he hadn’t walked away—if he’d only stayed and tried to make her see reason, that loving him was bad and would never bring her the happiness she deserved, and _damn_ whatever he felt—he’d have been there when Akito arrived and this would never have happened.

He wonders if it’s part of the curse, to have everything he’s ever wanted put in front of him but be left unable to accept it. And then to have it ripped away from him time after time.

He’d wanted his mother’s love; she’d offered what she’d been able and then thrown herself in front of a train. He’d wanted acceptance, and Kyoko had offered him friendship without judgement or intrusion; he’d been so young and jealous of Yuki that he’d thrown it back in her face, and then several years later had failed to save her when it mattered. He wants Tohru’s love more than anything he’s ever wanted in his life; but she’d offered it to him and he’d been forced to reject it. And now here she is, bleeding on the ground in front of him.

His kiss isn’t an act of love. It’s an act of desperation, fuelled by fear, a selfish gesture that he’ll beat himself up for later. But for now all he wants is for her to live.

He wonders if the paramedics’ positive prognosis when they arrive is one more hope the universe is going to destroy.

**Author's Note:**

> Everyone's out here writing sexual tension and then here I am with this mess. I'm not sorry.


End file.
